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Post #22

Don't go outside, dude.

Have you even seen the news lately? I mean, not that you can trust the news any more, right, but like, have you seen what's going on out there? Half of the Midwest just got hit by an Arctic hurricane. That wasn't even a weather thing eight years ago, but it's a thing now. You wanna get caught in one of those, dude? Hell no! California is on fire and Miami is literally sinking into the ocean. Where you gonna go, really? Dude, Amazon will drop Whole Foods groceries right at your front door. C'mon, I just got Red Dead Redemption 2, dude!

Don't go outside, dude.

Did you see what happened in New Zealand? People get shot, dude. You can get shot in church or at school or in a hospital or at the movies or at a concert or in a nightclub. And politicians don't even care, dude, cuz people keep getting shot. No one is even trying to stop it any more. You wanna get shot, dude? I don't wanna get shot. I mean, even the cops might shot you now. The cops shoot everybody. You gonna fight a cop, dude? Come on, I bought a new seventy-inch TV and I just hooked up my Chromecast - let's stream all the Harry Potter movies, dude! Hang on, my mom is video calling me....

Ok, I'm back. So yeah, don't go outside, dude.

Dude, why would you even wanna GO outside? There aren't even sidewalks! Our city can't even afford sidewalks, bro! Remember Tracey who died walking that one night, like three years ago? And the whole senior class had to vote on whether or not Tracey got a diploma at graduation? Remember how sad her parents were, and that tree they decorated by where she got hit? That was so sad, dude. I don't wanna decorate a tree for you, dude. Don't go outside.

Don't go outside, dude.

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