End of the Map

Don't go outside, dude. Have you even seen the news lately? I mean, not that you can trust the news any more, right, but like, have you seen what's going on out there? Half of the Midwest just got hit by an Arctic hurricane. That wasn't even a weather thing eight years ago, but it's a thing now. You wanna get caught in one of those, dude? Hell no! California is on fire and Miami is literally sinking into the ocean. Where you gonna go, really? Dude, Amazon will drop Whole Foods groceries right at your front door. C'mon, I just got Red Dead Redemption 2, dude! Don't go outside, dude. Did you see what happened in New Zealand? People get shot, dude. You can get shot in church or at school or in a hospital or at the movies or at a concert or in a nightclub. And politicians don't even care, dude, cuz people keep getting shot. No one is even trying to stop it any more. You wanna get shot, dude? I don't wanna get shot. I mean, even the cops might shot you ...

Everyone in the town of Blackstone knows Mr. X. The extent to which Mr. X is a threat to Blackstone is up for debate, though. Even the cops in Blackstone aren't unanimous in their feeling. On the one hand, he's a fairly prominent businessman. He does well in the community, and a lot of folks seem to like him or have at least a favorable opinion of him. On the other hand, there's very strong evidence that he's a drug dealer. He's also willing to do or say just about anything to keep himself out of trouble, which makes things very difficult in the Blackstone police department. Not all of Blackstone's police officers possess the strong moral fiber required of their station, and so they frequently find themselves seduced by Mr. X and his lifestyle. He slides them bribes when he needs to, or pays them protection money. Sometimes, if one of the cops has a relative who's down on their luck, Mr. X will toss them a low-level job until they're back on their feet. ...

October, 2001 No matter the remedy, my head won't stop buzzin' Like all of these problems are one dime per dozen Or twelve for ten cents, except nothing makes sense And the more that I reach out and try so hard to hold The more that this all spirals out of control So in my attempt to see a little clearer I try to find peace as I look in the mirror But it brings me no comfort because I don't recognize These clouds that have settled and distorted my eyes I dropped my smile and I think that it broke And when I open my mouth, I can't speak, I just choke There seems little help in all that's familiar Can't stop an addiction, even if it might kill ya Haven't righted a wrong, just watch it get polluted Haven't focused my goals, my vision's been diluted I reach for these things but I can't seem to attain them Tears scratch the surface, somehow I contain them Keep on swallowing down, repressing a frown Choking back on emotion and igno...

It is January, 2009. I am sitting at a large circular table in a huge glass alcove with fourteen other strangers and a man in a very crisply pressed blue dress shirt. I am running my hands over the cover of an orientation packet for the large restaurant conglomerate that is about to employ me. I am being told what is acceptable for the limits of my uniform. When the meeting ends, I go outside into the swirling snow and get behind the wheel of my car and I drive it back to my mother's house. I am recently moved into her guest room at the age of 27 after trying and failing to make a life work for myself in Los Angeles.  A few days after this meeting at the large circular table in the huge glass alcove with the fourteen other strangers who are about to become my coworkers, and this man in the blue dress shirt who is about to become my boss, I am to don all black attire and work the host desk for a large chain restaurant that is best known for its cheese-based cakes. My job includes sh...

Wednesday, 10.24.18 11:44 am 36 years old 186 pounds Prescott, AZ In the early 21st century, something awful happened: humanity was given the ability to send text messages. At first, we thought this was a good thing. Business could move faster. The populace could stay more informed. We could communicate with one another at a rate previously unseen in history. We were moving into the Information Age with gusto and it felt like the Right Thing at the Right Time. We did not know then what a terrible and powerful weapon we were handed. A text is to its recipient as a blank page is to a writer. Devoid of context, tone, or voice, a text can be whatever the recipient wants/thinks/needs/feels it to be. The original intent can only be explained in person, but that happens much later (if it happens at all) and oftentimes, the explanation is too little, too late or heard by deaf ears. In a flash, a text message can undo hours spent together, long talks of empathy and commiseration, and a ...

Wednesday, 8.29.18 10:49pm 36 years old 187 pounds Top 5 Outkast Songs: SpottieOttieDopalicious, B.O.B., Humble Mumble, Southernplayalistic, Roses Denver, CO 2018 has been an astonishingly strange year thus far. The author is feeling reflective as we tick down to September and begin the final quarter turn. How do we still have four months left to go? How do we only have four months left to go? On a cold, clear night in January, I left/was fired from the one job I'd known since arriving in Denver. It was devastating to me at the time, and then liberating, and then frightening. I fought through some very lean months with the gracious help of friends and my new adopted family here in this strange city next to the mountains. There solidified within me this feeling that I was doing all the right things and had made all the right choices and though it was difficult to see at the time, it would all work out to be okay. It was more difficult to know this truth on some days. On a...

Tuesday, 8.21.18 3:06pm 36 years old (feels like) 1000 pounds Lake Pend Oreille, ID If the company a man keeps is a reflection of who he is, then I would like to apologize for being a drunk and a drug addict. I would like to apologize for being someone who is flaky and bad about keeping plans. I would like to apologize for being terrible about keeping in touch. I would like to apologize for being unreliable, for not doing what I'm asked, for being impulsive, for thinking always and only of myself. I would like to apologize for being a bad friend. I would like to apologize for being passive-aggressive on social media. I would like to apologize for manipulating the emotions of the people I care about most. I would like to apologize for being a bad friend. And I think maybe from now on, I will severely limit the company I keep.